Always Wrong

I have got it wrong again, yet again it is my fault

I cannot scream, shout or even breath, it’s not right, this is my default.

The voices saying just do it, you’ll feel better when they slit

My mouth’s gone dry, my wrists I try; I can’t create any spit

No one shall know, it’s all a show. It’s the punishment I deserve.

I try to be a good person but I can’t hold my nerve

If I found the courage to take the plunge then I’d like to die

Would you care, would you leave me, would you even cry.

You would simply smile, laugh and turn away

No matter how hard I pray

I cannot feel love, passion or happiness

Although your touch I felt with a tender kiss

I want a child to love and to hold close

They will love me without question, they’ll even boast

The voices stay put; occupy my every thought

You try to make me smile, but I can’t be bought

I stay calm; I take the knife

I can’t cope, it’s time to take my life

I want them to stop now; go on mute

I’ll wipe my eyes; smile with surprise as if only I could shoot.